To Sky with Love

Dear Sky,

You fought back your tears today :)

I saw your little Sun frolicking.
You know I miss him deeply.
But I can see he tried so hard to behave.
He told me, he doesn't want you to cry that much anymore.

So do I.

I love you, Sky.
You have been emo a lot lately.
That worries me.
That worries all of us who love you.

Recover soonish.
K? ;)

XX

They will never be mine

Getting emotionally involved in things that are not mine is fu*king torturing.

I mean, I knew it. And I knew it early. But my little one had its very own way of dealing with things. And now see the mess I have to clean.

THEY ARE NOT MINE!!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I am not sure to what extend had my little one done the damage. I tried convincing myself, that everything is under control. But the dreams and dark circles told me it's not. It's on loose. With things getting too comfy, I overestimated myself.

This has to be quick and sharp, I thought. No giving-ins, no way. I can't afford another round of this. Getting possessive with those seriously freaks me out. I don't even wanna think about it.

Yeah right, a gloomy moody me. I blame it on the weather.

It's a cold rainy night, this song I am playing...

The Me Unloading...

As I walked up the stairs, after my dutiful lunch, the usual blank mind of mine, unusually, told me something. I could not help but giving it a careful thought, with the things that happened around me, with the questions that had landed upon me.

There's a loop hole, I told myself.
"Prove it!"
Why should I? When I know.

And I smiled.

There are times when I wanted to give in
And times when I started to do something silly
I pulled myself back. O, did I?

I left myself off stranded
But deep inside I know
To stay within is the way to go

I ain't strong enough to take
I ain't good enough to give
I ain't the one who go fighting till the end and found nothing's gained
So I ain't the one who will go fighting till the end

For the moment? Perhaps, for the thing that worth fighting has not shown.

XX

#31 ...

Wonder why someone will go and start acting like another person, just to go near the crush?

Eh, love is blind eh? CRAP!! for all the things that were mentioned as "Oh, I don't do this... or I don't like that... or I tried, but I... or that's something kid does, not me..." Now its totally the other way round. Working harder than trying to score an A during school time.

Just because that fella looks like an idol, doesn't mean you have to do whatever to grab it. Just because that fella meet your requirement as a dream guy, doesn't mean you have to turn into another person whom you think might please him to please him.

To what extend will it go? If you'd faked the beginning...

#30 A bit of updates...

Updating blog at work does not seem quite right. But, since its been so long. Writing a word or few should be fine :P
It's Friday and TGIF again :D
I'm having a headache now trying to solve my problem at work. But I'm not writing this to complain. Surprisingly, I got used to the 0800-1730 life fast enough. The only thing is work takes almost my whole day. I managed to pick a couple of after-work activities, and there goes my whole day - reaching home tired and prepare for bed.
Then, wake up again, another day for the same routine...
That's me for the moment...

p/s: i love Fridays, yes yes i know everyone loves Friday... cos it means weekend!! but apart from the weekend thing, i love Fridays cos everyone at work seems so relaxed on this day!! ^_____^

#29 DONE

I'm done with school.... Finally...
I need to pack and move everything back home...
My lil kancil needs new tyres before he can bring me home...
I need to drive all the way back....
That means, if you reading this rajeev, be prepared that i might pay you a visit :p
The most important thing is remember to TELL YOUR MOM that your friend is visiting :D

But before that, i'm now stuck in USM for some reasons...
I'm bored and i'm tired...
Mom and Dad and my lil bro came see me this noon... soo nice too see them...

Till my friend told me there's a H1N1 infection in Malaysia...
Till my mom asked me to cancel the trip....
I was thinking if i should cancel my summer trip....

Now, i guess i will just cancel the trip and stay at home...
For one whole solid month... the longest holiday i ever had in 3 years...
So, i plan to spend it wisely... spending all days on the couch doing nothing will be the best :D

I'm up for anything, do call me...
Anyone plan to come see me? Oh, don't plan... Just Come!! :D

I will be busy watching over my phone, so i can pick it up immediately when it rings....

CALL ME CALL ME CALL MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AVAILABLE FOR THE WHOLE JUNE!!!!!!!!!!

#28 何苦呢？

很困惑。。。为什么有些人可以那么的不坦白？为什么有些人可以做错了事还装作没事？为什么明明的问了他们，还在装傻，没听见，还敢随口敷衍几句，然后落跑？？！！我说，这是何苦呢？何苦隐瞒，假话？何苦违背良心，去做自以为很对的东西呢？何苦为了贪那么一点，把身边的人出卖？何苦为了满足自己的虚荣心，把以往的交情统统丢掉？哎～我也不懂要说些什么了～想不着可以用哪些词来形容我现在的心情～我。。。失望。。。哦不～是比十个‘很失望‘还要失望。。。这么多年，麻掉了。。没感觉了，更没有伤心的感觉了。是对你的希望，期待。。。不见了？？

有些事，不是玩完就算的。。。有些。。。压根儿不能玩的。。。也不是你玩得起的。。。亲爱的，我有一直在心里替你说好话。。。但你所说的，所做的，让我再也找不到任何可以被相信的话了。。。没了。。。难道，就不能好聚好散吗？　


－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

*不着边际，无关上文，在很累很累的我－想去睡前，想说的一句话：恳请大家，不要去看 《龙珠:进化》＜Ｄｒａｇｏｎｂａｌｌ　Ｅｖｏｌｕｔｉｏｎ＞。。。他竟然。。。随随便便找个人去演那么可爱的悟空！！！可恶之极～～哼～而且我听说了。。。不。好。看。。。都说了嘛～不是所有动漫都可以被搬上‘真人电影’的。。。千万不要去看哦～把钱省起来。。。*

好的，就这样。。。晚安啦，月亮～

#27 Lee Chong Wei Won ^^

wakaka... hadn't blogged for like 2months cos i m so busy... and im still busy now... I am up here again to spread the news a bit, tho i think ppl might already know about this... hehe...

hehe, okay... Our Datuk Lee Chong Wei won in the Swiss Open 2009 last night... against Lin Dan... wakaka... back to world no.1 now.... how sweeeeeet :p

Didn't watch the match tho, just know the result, bring me back to life from the almost-died-cos-of-the-busy-ness stage... XD

Nice day, eh? :P

#26 FYP Blue...

Done the presentation for my System Analysis & Design... its the implementation that worries me now... I m studying, of cos... but i m really afraid that the system won't work :(

The panels wished me good luck in the system implementation... i m glad that the presentation was ok... but the "good luck" is like a heavy burden landed on my shoulder... cos it came after a comment : "very interesting system... but also very hard at the same time..." Well, if everything can be done by just using our imagination... my system should not be that hard to implement... its just something so 'simple' that.... principally... it only has to READ and generate COMBINATIONS...

but the problem is... to handle what it reads... how it reads... and how it breaks what it had read... then how to make combination out of the broken pieces....

Now, to make sure i have lesser nightmares handling what it reads... i need to include something for ppl to WRITE what it will be reading... the idea is there... in my mind... like i said... if everything turns out exactly like what it is in our mind... then it should not be that hard....

but who to blame??

my poor programming skill.... :(


**
Everyone's stressed now i can see... really...
But work hard, k??
Let's graduate together~~ ^_^
**

#25 I Miss You

I Miss You...

#24 A Letter to Nobody

Dear Nobody,

I gotta tell you this... I'm soooooo in trouble now...

You see, its my final semester... and rushing final year project is like hell... i guess i'm soo stressed that i dreamt about things like being a superstar guitarist on tour....

I've been wondering if some aliens had invaded my room and got me into their spaceship and did something funny to my brain... cos..

• I believe if i don't eat green vege in a meal, i'll die sooner...
  
• I think i forgot to bring my brain out the day i decided my fyp title. But the problem is, i don't remember when did i take it out.
  
• and i'd just found out sleeping on a thick book or books is nicer than sleeping on my feather pillow. i believe the more i sleep on a book the more knowledge will 'flow' into my brain..
  
• i tell flies to stay away from my food and i think they understand me.
• i think the big rat caught in the mouse trap the other day can read my mind and it understand me (by just looking at me) on how to get away from the trap. and it got away!
• i talk to animals and my pillows. and i can sense that cats don't really like me...
  
• i think things which just happened to me is familiar... like it had happened before...
• I stay awake when i m soo free and i can't even keep my eyes open when i m supposed to be busy.
• And whatever i tried to tell my friend... he can't understand me! i think i did speak in language we both understand...
• and why on earth there's something called hungry?? can't i eat only when i feel like eating?? i eat whenever i m not hungry and i dont feel like eating when i m hungry... :(
  
• and there are whole loads more of them... but i think i should tell you later cos if i dont go to bed earlier i'll need to wake up early tmr....
  

O, Nobody, before i end this.... please tell me that the alien-ize process isn't taking place.. i don't want to be an alien... nor an experiment of them.... and tell me by tmr morning... i'll wake up to be a guru meditating on top of the Swiss Alps... not here stuck in the middle of nowhere... please~~


Will send you more on my conditions to keep you updated...

good night.



shinyee

#23 BoBo the Cute Lil Poodle

Went to my cousin, Sam's, place and played with her lil poodle -> BoBo...

And this lil thing stole a kiss from me!!! ish ish~~ :P

Sam was saying that BoBo will try in any way to 'kiss' those newly met people (in the lips), and i don't really believe that.... How would a puppy will want to kiss people on the lips??

But then when i looked at BoBo... and i started to worry... it can't be true, can it?? cos she (BoBo is a she) was busy 'kissing' my toes and fingers and even tried my face~~~

oh yeah, and i remembered mom told me that BoBo kissed my mom on her cheek (out of a sudden!)... cheek's still ok tho... but not lips..... :P

Then.... mins later... We were watching Shrek 3 and this lil thing ran towards me and *JUMP* then *DING*... OoOoOoOo.......

"eeee... she kissed me~!!!"
Sam: "Told cha~~~ hehe...."


Cute puppy, isnt she?? ^___^

#22 The Winner Takes It All

Watched Mamma Mia! twice and i love this song a LOT~~~ and the lyric~~ aww.... i dunno what to say...

the winner takes it all... the hurt one standing small... if she misses him... what else can she do?? besides seeing them go......




I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
I've played all my cards
And thats what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......

#21 YES!! I'm going home~ finally~~

I've been busy for nothing...

seriously, I didn't know what was i doing~ and still i was so busy~ ish~~

i finished the J2EE thing yesterday~ woofff~~ finally.. yeah FINALLY~~~ it was a mistake to enroll myself in that... not that learning is something bad... but i've got other better thing to do... :p

I finished the J2EE project only like minutes before my presentation... you can call it an okay one... :P cos the main functions are there (after i cut off all of the self-declared-not-so-important modules :P ) and the instructor couldn't really say anything... but then one fun thing was.... we cheated

Oh well~ nothing big... just big enough to make the instructor and the class have an 'WOW~' kinda expression.... (or i thought so~~ :p) pada hal~~ we did nothing as they expected~~ its like people thought that you'd climbed up Mount Everest but then the truth is you only edited the photo to make it LOOKS like you'd climbed up there... hehe~

anyway~ i was really worried and stressed when things weren't working 2 days ago... i'd to stay up for 2 nights to get that stupid system done~~

okay, enough said for the J2EE... i had an 18hours sleep after i came back from the last lesson~~ i was really tired~~and my friend said i know nothing much besides sleep~~ yeah... so?? that's how i grow XD then woke up and had a big brunch at 4something :P (i can still call it a brunch, can i??).... went to library to return 8 overdue books~~~ EIGHT~~~ gone my RM13.... well... not very big... but i just 'tak puas' to give it away like that, i can get another big brunch for that~~ :P (forgot the fact that it was ME who didn't return them on time :P I've been 'donating' to the library since i came in~~)

then came back home... my friend me cos the toilet was too dirty... its my turn to wash the toilet.... so what else... spent my good time cleaning the toilet bowl and tiles~~ its all cleaned and shining now...

but... i cant recall what he'd promised to do in return~~ :p


All settled~~ but tickets home are sold out~~ :( need to take the alternative plan~~ hope i'll be able to make it for the friday's Tan's family's reunion party... ^___^

Guess 18hours is still too little... feeling sleepy again~~ ^^

Bed time, everyone~ ;)

and Happy Holiday~ HO~HO~ HO~~


** oh yeah... i went and fed my lil kancil a full tank yesterday... and when i reached home... my friend said "hey shinyee!!! the fuel price is going down again... tomorrow~~~~" ish ish ish~~~

#20 跟PLAN A 做个了断 ＝ PLAN B 的开始

好，我承认。。。
我看起来呆呆的～
做起事来有时傻傻的～
咪咪的眼睛让我看起来有种睡不醒的感觉～

但是。。。
我不是呆的～
傻也傻不完～
眼睛虽小。。。但，该被看见的东西还是会被我看见的～～
还有，你用不着管我的小脑袋瓜成天是在想些什么。。。
你只需知道。。。她不是用来装草的就好～～

世上有一个词儿。。。叫做“装傻”。。。
我装傻的功夫实在实在实在不怎么高强～～
但就衰在有些人连撒谎都比我更不高明～～
那我很难继续装吧？？

我总不能“傻”到你拉头公牛来对我说那是兔子。。。
我说：“诶，很可爱呐～原来兔子长这样啊？？！！“


我会!@#@#$^^*$%#@*


所以，你现在有几个选择：
第一：别再对我撒谎了～一眼看穿会让我很闷～而你会让你自己看起来很蠢～
第二：上山去闭门修炼吧～待功夫加强了咱们再来切磋切磋～～
第三：你找别人去吧～～别来烦我了～～


我会等你答案哟～～快一点哦～～
我会很期待的～～别让我失望了～～

** 虽然，我最想听见的答案是：
---> "别再对我撒谎了，对我说实话吧。。。"

但你还是有绝对的自由去选择～～ 好吗？？


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恩～～我想我还是没那个耐心等了～
我帮你选吧～
我看呐～～就第三吧～～

说定啦～～
你找别人去吧～～
我不跟你玩啦～～
我～玩～腻～啦～～～





** PLAN A 指的是跟人的关系/相处的方式～～

** 猫猫说 PLAN B 就是当 PLAN A 被搞砸后可被实行的后备计划

*** 那～～我的 PLAN B 就暂定为“对我自己好一点～～” ^__^

#19 Monday Monday Monday...

I hate Monday... :(

It means...
no more weekend~~
get up early in morning~~
sleep early in Sunday night or i risk myself -> what else?? oversleep~~

ish ish~~

and.......


************* ok, please skip through this part ****************


grumpy shinyee: !@##%#$%%^&#@^&@$%%^#@$#@$


**********************************************************


ok, done.... :P


But come to think of it... i can't really blame Monday tho... being born after Sunday isn't its false you see... although i don't really want to say this but...

"Monday kicks start our lazy week... "

oh, ok... you might don't agree with that... then I shall put it this way...

"Monday kicks start MY lazy week..."

hehe... did nothing in the weekend... and Monday reminded me that another week has gone... i really gotta MOVE IT MOVE IT.... kill off all my work.... hehe...

Sound sooo semangat eh?? NONO....


cos more are coming... :(

#18 I miss those times... Really...

I'd always wanted to write something about these... But only now i'm writing it...

For all the sharks... who no longer debating in the club... who were swept swept away like RUBBISH~

The previous December breaks were the busiest time of us... the time we did our intensive training... Woke up early in the morning, go to school... motion released, prep, debate, adju feedbacks, discussions.... and again the same for second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth round of the day...

1st round -> still blur, cos we just woke up... 2nd round -> energetic.... 3rd round -> craps started to come out... 4th round -> brain is blank... 5th round -> very semangat~~ 6th round -> oh is this the last? no more? i feel like debating more~~~ XD

and after the debates, its time for dinner, late night show, supper... then lepak till after the so-called curfew... then we would tell the pak guard why we were late, and walk 'through' the gate after we reached the hostel... and I actually think its fun! XD

i can still remember how our club was jinxed... the bak kut teh thing?? :P how Raphael would tell you every little things about food... how i was soo afraid he will feel hungry during our prep time in Royals 2006 that i actually bring along chocolate and biscuits during the prelims... and everyone was looking at us when we were eating~~

Oh yeah, and the black brinjal incident in sarawak... :P

and Ram actually tell KUTKM (was it?) that we were going to have friendly... and Dina asked her teammates together for the photo with the XXX (you know the word ;p) whom she think is cute?? ^^

We did almost every possible thing in school... watching movie in lecture hall... occupying the whole DKA with only 11 people... did research in The Room until it was soo late and we actually slept there... woke up freezed... :P broke into the room?? :P debated in the BK open area when all the rooms were occupied by the Open U students...

How we valued nothing but the almanac and economists :P we read bbc... =) and we loved the Q&A part of BBC.... thats the fastest way to get the overview...

Oh yeah, we believed a MANAGEMENT TEAM is crap... and still think so... :p

We would do anything just to debate... we stressed on that a debate club should train its member on how to analyze than to organize activity like Car Wash thing... We appreciate everyone who are willing to share... we did researches on different issues and share those information through discussion... (like you can ask tan for china taiwan and rajeev for africa and stuff like that.. we ask if we dunno and we let those who know more to talk cos thats how things work...)

We share this special feeling towards the club which someone (you know who) cant understand... for the club is dying we said... its impossible for us to go back... nor for them to understand how much fun we can make by just debating... (not free trips i shall say)

Cos i still don't see winning in a tournament that full of freshies is something we should proud of... and announce to the whole world to prove that 'we can'... We do not need to be called on stage just to let the whole world know what we did...

We all feel the same thing... the more we debate, the more we know how impossible it is to have a debate in real... here, in where we are...

It is impossible for us to go back... but we know we have lotsa 'those days...' stories when we meet someday in the future... ^^


All the best guys~

#17 Simple example on the IPO concept...

This will be a brief post on the IPO concept....


input : 5 wonderful and colourful bottles....

process : empty the bottles (condition : within an hour)

output : 3 silly drunk cats...




Do not try this at home... ;-)

#16 X-Rat Operation...

haha~ don't get me wrongly, it isn't X-Rated Operation XD

Had this deal with my housemate last night --> "Do not wake me up this morning, just lemme sleep"... (^^)V how nice~

But someone knocked on my door this morning, when i was about to burst out "Aren't we had this deal of not waking me up?"... my housemate said "sorry sorry, i know i m not supposed to wake u up, but you gotta see this~ there's a lil mouse crawling in the kitchen... newly born..."

me jumped up : "HUH??!! how many of them??"
housemate : "only one.. come... quick~"
me : "OMG, whatever they do... they just won't give birth to only ONE baby..."

and i saw this... (obviously, my housemate didn't know how to take a clear pic :p)

Another housemate joint us, three of us turned the kitchen upside-down (or almost :p) searched for the whole kitchen, but we found nothing... then we came to a very unlikely place... the washing machine.... we havent been using it for quite sometimes, cos it broke down 'mysteriously'...

we looked under the machine... nothing's there~ fine... so we moved the whole thing... there it goes, the rat's sound... without further hesitation... we open the back door and push the machine out... the sound gone... but another baby fell out from the machine when we moved the machine...

cos we were so sure that there MUST be something inside, soooo~~ we 'dissect' the machine XD couldn't think of better way, could we?? :P

Then we found another 2 of them...

These 1" long baby rats are actually cute, its a pity to kill them just like that... but consider the fact that they will grow up and **please refer #10... There's a Mickey at my place... ** its better to 'send them off'... :p i personally felt that it is too cruel to kill :p

we put them (4 of them... see the video for where they were found and how cute the lil rats are) in the tin and send them away (throw them away i mean :p) and we throw away the machine as well...



Dissecting...

like how the dead are dissected for cause of death, we found out why our washing machine broke down... the mother (i suppose... ) bit the wires and 'plastic wall' inside the machine... so... you know la~ how can the machine be working when no wires are connected (plus... with holes all around)??

Cleared the kitchen... threw away the machine and baby rats...

too bad, the mother was not found... but i hope there wont be a "3rd encounter with the mickey's family" tho..


and... gone my lovely morning :(...

#15 Oh yeah~ done done the exam~ XD

First thing: The last paper was super "cool"~ :P

what happened is:
we have 2 hours' time for the paper, until 11am... then when it reached 10am, i suddenly forgot (i dunno why), i thought "ohno~ only 30mins more" XD when i came out from the hall at around 10.15am, everyone's still there writing and writing... i really wondered "did i missed out some questions??"... hehe~

Of cos i didn't... apparently, my mind tuned itself to "finish this before 10.30am, i have 2 hours' time (it started at 9am)" :p see the flaw? so i finished it quicker~ and i only realize when ppl wasn't coming out at 10.30am, that this paper finishes at 11am... :p

Second thing: I actually won a bronze in the R&I Fest...

and i only know that when.... this morning....

Friend: "shinyee, you can go and get your medal in PPI"...
me: "what medal? why is PPI giving me medal?"
Friend: "Hehe, the R&I Fest~"
me: "huh? they are giving out medal? participation's medal ar?"
Friend: "haha~ no la... we got bronze"
me: "eh eh~ bronze eh?"
me: " wait wait~ so that is why i got a sms from PPI last month saying~ semua pemenang R&I Fest dikehendaki menghadir diri in bla bla bla~ ?"
Friend: "haha~ i think so..."
me: "ah? i thought why are they sending me sms telling me to attend since im not a pemenang~"
Friend: "now you know why~"

@.@

I TRIED MY BEST :"( BUT YOU SEE THE RESULTS~